David Beckham has gone crazy believing Posh has been having an affair on him. In manic rage, he goes out and buys a gun. He rushes home to confront his wife, and finds her in bed with none other than Ruud Van Nistelroy.
Devastated, Beckham takes out the gun and points it at his own head.
"No, David don't do it." Posh cries jumping up from her spot underneath the covers...."I'm sorry and I know we can work this out."
"Shut up and sit back Victoria." Beckham replies. "You're next."
David Beckham is celebrating; "43 days, 43 days!" he shouts gleefully. Posh asks him why he's celebrating.
He answers "Well Honey, I've done this jigsaw in only 43 days."
"And that's good?" asks Posh.
"You bet Hon" says David."It says 3 to 6 years on the box."
David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the
kitchen department of a large department store. "What's that?" he asks.
"A Thermos flask," replies the assistant. "What does it do?" asks Becks.
The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.
Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next
training session. "Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly.
"It's a Thermos flask." The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they
ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, "says David. "What
have you got in it?" asks Roy Keane. "Two cups of coffee and a Choc
ice," replies David.
Posh takes her car into a garage to have some dents removed. The
mechanic, knowing she isn't the brightest Spice Girl in the world,
decides to play a joke on her. "You don't need me to take those dents
out," he says. "Just blow into the exhaust pipe and the metal will pop
back into place". So she takes the car home and tries it.
David spots her from the house, opens a window and shouts "What are you doing? You have to wind the windows up first!"
The plane is going down fast. 4 famous passengers on board. Ozzy Osbourne, Hillary Clinton, Pope Benedict and David Beckham. Only 4 parachutes left. Ozzy, Hillary bailed out. David Beckham grabbed the nearest one and jumped. The Pope looking at a schoolgirl said, "My child, I am old and you are so young. You take the last parachute and may God be with you." The schoolgirl looked at the Pontiff, "Thank you, sir but it isn't necessary. You see, David Beckham grabbed my schoolbag.
AB was last seen running away from the Dallas Cowboys Football (?) Team.
I'm surrounded by grumpy old men!
