Couple o' jokes
Posted: Tue May 31, 2005 11:19 pm
An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong. "Yes Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "my private part died today, and I am very sad."
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences."
The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his private part hanging out of his pajamas when Nurse Tracy met him.
"Mr. Goldstein," she said, "you shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your private part back inside your pajamas."
"But Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my private part died."
"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" asked Nurse Tracy.
"Well," he replied, "today's the viewing."
A man in Topeka, Kansas decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes.
He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall, and was intrigued with a sign which read, "$10,000 per minute". Seeking out the pastor, he asked about the phone and the sign. The pastor answered that the golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven, and if he pays the price, he can talk directly to God. The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way.
As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Salt Lake City, Denver, Chicago, Milwaukee, and around the the United States, he found more such phones, with the same sign, and the same explanation from each pastor.
Finally, the man arrived in the lovely state of Texas. Upon entering a church, behold: he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read "Calls: 25 cents"! Fascinated, the man asked to speak with the pastor. "Reverend, I have been in cities all accross the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone, and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven, and that I could use it to talk to God. But in 20 other churches, the cost was $10,000 per minute. Your sign says 25 cents per call. Why is that?"
The pastor, smiling benignly, replied, "Son, you're in the south now, it's a local call."
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences."
The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his private part hanging out of his pajamas when Nurse Tracy met him.
"Mr. Goldstein," she said, "you shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your private part back inside your pajamas."
"But Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my private part died."
"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" asked Nurse Tracy.
"Well," he replied, "today's the viewing."
A man in Topeka, Kansas decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes.
He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall, and was intrigued with a sign which read, "$10,000 per minute". Seeking out the pastor, he asked about the phone and the sign. The pastor answered that the golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven, and if he pays the price, he can talk directly to God. The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way.
As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Salt Lake City, Denver, Chicago, Milwaukee, and around the the United States, he found more such phones, with the same sign, and the same explanation from each pastor.
Finally, the man arrived in the lovely state of Texas. Upon entering a church, behold: he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read "Calls: 25 cents"! Fascinated, the man asked to speak with the pastor. "Reverend, I have been in cities all accross the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone, and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven, and that I could use it to talk to God. But in 20 other churches, the cost was $10,000 per minute. Your sign says 25 cents per call. Why is that?"
The pastor, smiling benignly, replied, "Son, you're in the south now, it's a local call."
