Why did the chicken cross the road

[:FI:Macca]

http://www.gavagai.pl/civilization/humor.php" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - here you will find some more:):):)



Why did the Chicken cross the road?


Why did the priest cross himself?
To get to the (pointing skyward) Other Side!


Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
A: To get to the other ... er, um ...


Why did the chicken cross the road?
by various famous people


Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Aristotle (revisited):It is the essense of chickens to cross the road.

F. Lee Bailey: To find a place to plant the other glove.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?

Roland Barthes: The chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road.

Ludvig von Beethoven: What? Speak up.

Little chicken, who set thee free
To wander here on Highway Three?
"Oh, sir, your question's very odd;
He is called the Lamb of God."

Little chicken, crushed and bleeding,
You did not see that auto speeding.
"Oh, sir, do not sit and brood:
God just had a Tygerish mood."
-William Blake

Leopold Bloom: Wonder why chickens cross roads. Must be some law.
Migration maybe. Mrs Marion Bloom.

Molly Bloom: The chicken crossed the road well Poldy I dont know why
why do you worry about such stupid bloody things O speaking of
stupid bloody things here it comes again damn it its only been three
weeks I wonder is there something wrong with me yes.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken- nature.

William S. Burroughs: A few may get through to the Gate in Time.

George Bush: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.

Julius Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.

Candide: To cultivate its garden.

Bill the Cat: Oop Ack.

Raymond Chandler: She had beady inhuman eyes like strange black jewels
and the kind of feathers a bird of paradise might envy. I knew that
if they made her a free-range chicken she'd grab the first
opportunity and never look back.

Confucius: When the emperor performs the rites with full reverence, and
the court officers behave as true scholars and gentlemen, ,a hen may
cross any road in the kingdom safely.

Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.

Vito Corleone: We made her an offer she couldn't refuse.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented
avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean
achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly
a remarkable occurence.

Aleister Crowley: It was her True Will to cross just that road on just that
day.

Salvador Dali: Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after c�ming down from the trees.

Thomas Dequincy: Because it ran out of opium.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each
interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be
discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Jacques Derrida (revisited): The question admits of limitless answers, since
there is no one logocentric strategy of discourse that takes primacy
over all others.

Jacques Derrida (revisited again): What is the differance? The chicken was
merely deferring from one side of the road to other. And how do
we get the idea of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist outside
of language?

Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming a~yway.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

I saw a chicken cross the road
But could not stop to ask
Why she had to hurry so
Or what the urgent task.
-Emily Dickenson

Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
the chicken depends upon the inertial system of the observer.

To leave the place she knew for another place
And to stay there for a while
And then to move onward to a third place.
-T.S.Eliot

TS Eliot: Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.

TS Eliot (revisited): Do I dare to cross the road?

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Epicurus: For fun.

Paul Erdos: It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.

Uncle Ike saw her first: just an ordinary chicken, he thought for a moment,
a chicken picking here and pecking there, gradually working her
way across the road toward the lawn; but then he felt the fingers
tighten on his arm and looked up, astounded, to see him, the
Colonel, eyes lit with a new fire, face aglow like a saint seeing a
vision: and then it was destiny, a thing pre-ordained, a fatality, for
the Colonel did not reveal even to him, Uncle Ike, the secret
ingredients, not the names of the herbs and not even the number of
them (some would say he used as many as twenty, and others
insisted there was butJone magic herb that created that special
flavor) and so the secret of the crust remained, a hermetic mystery,
an arcanum implacable and inpenetrable, locked in the private
places of the Colonel's soul: and yet the vision was real, a true
moment of Fate; for the franchises sold almost as fast as they could
slaughter and gut the stock, and they spread across the country,
across the civilized world, making the Colonel not just a millionaire
but a billionaire, and Uncle Ike saw it all, knew it all, from the
beginning to the day when the initials KFC were to be seen in every
city, every town, every hamlet large enough to own two mules and
an Assembly of God church: until now, standing in the franchise in
Jefferson, Yoknapatawpha County, where Flem Snopes, the bank
president, hawked and coughed and spat on the floor, then hoisted
his britches, country style, and said to the waitress, "Make it extra
crispy, please."
-William Faulkner

Basil Fawlty: Oh, don't mind that chicken. It's from Barcelona.

Pierre de Fermat: I just don't have room here to give the full explanation...

Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its
forward momentum.

Michel Foucault: It did so because the dicourse of crossing the road left it
no choice-the police state was oppressing it.

Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously was female and obviously
interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a
phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.

Sigmund Freud (revisited): The telephone pole suggested a phallic symbol
and like all female creatures she wanted to be dominated.

Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.

Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which,
thank goodness, are good, dahling.

Martin Gardner: This chicken story seems merely more gaga New Age
silliness at first, but may contain something more sinister. No
reputable scientists has ever reported a chicken crossing a road.
Alleged "close encounterswith such chickens are claimed by
ignorant and suggestible people only. Farmers queried all report
large fences around their hen-yards, to prevent chickens from
escaping. One recalls similar mass delusions in Nazi Germany
before Hitler.

The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross.
If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be l��t,
the chicken would be lost!
- Gilligan

Newt Gingrich: The chicken choose to exercize individual initiative and not
wait for a government-funded street-light program.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken
was on, but it was moving very fast.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Sir Edmund Hilary: Because it's there.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in itspancreas.

Adolf Hitler: She was a victim of the Jewish conspiracy.

Adolf Hitler (revisited): It needed Lebensraum.

Budd Hopkins: She was dazed and disoriented after the extra-terrestrials
abducted and genetically altered her.

Sherlock Holmes: It was not merely that the chicken crossed the road,
Watson, but that the three Russian midgets and the Italian oboe
player did not also cross.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.

Thomas Jefferson: All hens are endowed by Nature and Nature's God with
the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of the other side.

John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!

James Joyce: Once upon a time a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo
crossed the road and met a moocow coming down...

James Joyce (revisited): To forge in the smithy of its soul the uncreated
conscience of its race.

Mrs. Hahn, Cock's wife, flapflopped from an ova
eggspressed (one l'ouvre, end sot)
and charged that lewd brigade
into any tennis sun in this faunanimal whirled.
-James Joyce

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that
individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and
therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Immanuel Kant: Because it was a duty.

Jack Kerouac: This Department recalls the distasteful incident of the
Chainsaw Subliminals -- World falling -- Photo falling --
Breakthrough in hen yard -- Towers open fire -- Goddam floating
whorehouse -- Death is the navigator -- To blow, man, to get
groovy and dharma blissed-out in the henyard of railroad earth.

I sent a hen into the astral plane
To learn our future, and man's luck,
And by and by the bird returned to me
But all she's say was "Cluck, cluck,cluck!"
-Omar Khayyam

Martin Luther King: It had a dream.

James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Jacques Lacan: Because of its desire for *object a*.

Those who cluck do not know.
Those who know do not cluck.
-Lao Tse

Lyndon LaRouche: She was a victim of the English Gnostic Drug Cartel
conspiracy.

Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. I left the hen-house door open.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.

I ate her liver. With fava beans.
And a brandied cranberry sauce.
--Hannibal Lecter, M.D.

Leda: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken? He's into that
kind of thing, you know.

Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road was made for it
to cross.

Rush Limbaugh: She was brainwashed by the liberal feminazi media.

H. P. Lovecraft: To escape the crawling horror lurking on this side of the
road, a nameless and foetid monstrosity that cannot be conceived
save in the dreams of madness

H. P. Lovecraft (revised): To escape the eldritch, cthonic, rugose,
polypous, indescribably horrible abomination not from our space-
time continuum.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken
which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also
with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with
such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely
chicken's dominion maintained.

Manuel: Is not a chicken. Is Siberian hamster.

Paul de Man: The chicken did not really cross the road because one side
and the other are not really opposites in the first place.

Paul de Man: (uncovered after his death) So no one would find out it wrote
for a collaborationist Belgian newspaper during the early years of
World War II.

Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had
an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced
him, but we needed the eggs.

Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.

Karl Marx (revisited): It was a historical inevitability.

Karl Marx (revisited again) She was driven by the lash of economic
necessity.

The lions still roam the barranca
And a hen there is always alone.
-The Kingston Trio

Gregor Mendel: To get various strains of roads.

John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.

Moebius: To get to the other... er, ehm...

Moses: Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the
road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own
preservation.

Alfred E. Neumann: What? Me worry?

Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion
tend to cross the road.

Jack Nicholson: The fuckin chicken crossed the fuckin road, okay? No
problem, okay?

Jack Nicholson (again): 'Cause it f***ing wanted to. That's the f***ing
reason.

Friederich Nietzsche: There was no chicken, no road, no crossing. There
was only -- an interpretation.

Nietzsche (revisited): Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the
Road gazes also across you.

Col. Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

Ted Nugent: "To prove to the opossum that it *can* be done."

I would prefer that my neighbors and the police
knew nothing about that chicken,
but it would be even better if they knew several
things that were quite wrong.
--Flann O'Brien

Camille Paglia: It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the
feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road and
focus itself on its task. Hens are not capable of doing this-their
minds do not work that way. Feminism tries vainly to pretend there
is no real difference between them, falsely following Rousseau. But
de Sade has proved...

Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.

Michael Palin: Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!

Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.

Capt. Jean Luc Picard: To see what's out there.

Plato: For the greater good.

Plato (revisited): The ideal chicken must ideally cross the ideal road.
Therefore, imperfect chickens in this world cross imperfect roads,
imperfectly.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

J. Danforth Quayle: Ite sawe ae potatoee.

Ayn Rand: It was crossing the road because of its own rational choice to
do so. There cannot be a c�llective unconscious; desires are unique
to each individual.

Ronald Reagan: Well, I forgot.

Georg Friedrich Riemann: The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.

Rev. Pat Robertson: She was a victim of the Illuminati One World
conspiracy.

Carl Rodgers: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road?

Sappho: To kiss your skin, to lie with you in moonlight...

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the
chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Jean Paul Sartre (revisited): To impose a meaning upon her accidental
existence.

Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah
canna work miracles, Captain!

William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a
hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.

Why, let us freely feather our brutish nests
In this barnyard world -- like the hen i' the adage --
Until the Ax of mortality falls on all our necks
And we squawk and make one final futile flutter:
Then blackest night falls �n the king and commoner.
-Will Shakespeare

I will not use a chicken as a frisbee.
I will not use a chicken as a frisbee.
I will not use a chicken as a frisbee.
I will not use
-Bart Simpson

Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that
it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to
be of its own free will.

I will consider my hen, Brigit,
For she is a servant of the livinge dawn to praise the Sun in her song,
Retiring at dusk like an honest worker,
Making by Alchemy from seeds an egg
For she fears Death and the Devil
Known to her as Fox and Chickenhawk;
For she is motherly to her chicks;
For she refutes the Atheist and Mechanic
Choosing of her free will to cross the road!
--Christopher Smart

Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Gloria Steinem: She was a victim of the male conspiracy.y.

O thin men of Haddam
Why seek so eagerly the golden bird?
Do you not see the chicken
On the dirt road you walk?
-Wallace Stevens

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself
of the opportunity.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Quentin Tarantino: Actually, we'll probably change that on rewrite.

Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.

Dylan Thomas: To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out
of life.

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find
out.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Sid Vicious: Cause I had the fuckin bird pinned to my right nipple
when I started chasin Nancy cross the fuckin road
wif my fuckin switchblade.

Darth Vader: She was seduced by the dark side of the road.

George Washington: Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in
1776. But most history books d�n't reveal that I bunked with a
birdie during the duration.

Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Oscar Wilde: This chicken problem has many depths, but all of them are
equally shallow.

it all depends
on one road here
now
and one chicken here
now
in the mud
by the wheelbarrow
-William Carlos Williams

Robert Anton Wilson: Carol Christmas never knew if she had actually seen
a chicken calmly crossing the street in New Y�rk's worst traffic, or
if it was another nasty joke by that malign dwarf, Chaney. But now
she was seeing chickens at every corner, waiting for the light to
change. She saw them most often after coming out of her class on
post-modern literature.

Weekly World News: Nostradamus predicted chicken/Bigfoot horror!

Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the
objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being
which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in tranquility.

Molly Yard: It was a hen!

Chickens and roads were not
Nor stars nor moon nor earth
Until man's mind made all,
All, of his bitterness and mirth.
-William Butler Yeats

Henny Youngman: Take this chicken ... please.

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.








Q - Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
A - To get hit by a car.

Q - Why did the chicken cross the road?
A - To prove to the raccoon & the opossum that it could be done.

Q - Why did the chicken cross the road?
A - To show the armadillo that it could be done!
{For New Yorkers and other foreigners, an armadillo is a small mammal
that
is notorious in the south for wandering into traffic and becoming "one" with
the pavement}

Q - Why did the Indian girl cross the road.
R - I don't know.
A - Neither did she.


Q - Why did the pervert cross the road?
A - Because he was stuck in the chicken.

Q - Why did the Klingon cross the road?
A - To conquer the other side.



STARDATE 73823.6: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? (1)

Chakotay: Who cares why? I just gotta find it. _That_ was my
animal guide!

Neelix: Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the
chickens in _this_ system. But, if you catch it, I can cook it.

Holodoc Zimmerman: How should I know? No one tells me anything
around here. I didn't even know we added chickens to the crew.
All I know is that it would have been nice if, _before_ the
chicken went off to cross the road, it had remembered to turn me

off!

Riker: I don't know why, but I know how: with pleasure, sir.

Worf: I don't know. KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.

Dr. Crusher: If there's nothing wrong with the chicken, there
must be something wrong with the universe.

Dr. Soran: His heart just wasn't in it. (That didn't make much
sense in this joke because I edited out a scene where he tortures
the chicken with a nanoprobe.)

Scotty: Because she c�}ldna take much morrrrrre.

"Friendly" Angel: It was being swept aside to make room for the _strong_!

Charlie X: Because it didn't want to STAY... STAY... STAY...

Kirk: To . . . GET! . . . totheOTHER! . . . SIDE!

Quark: There is no profit in chicken.

Captain Sisko: Chicken? I haven't had chicken since I was back on
Earth 2 years ago. The replica|ors don't do it justice. Did I
ever tell you about the time...

Dax: I once had a chicken as a temporary simbiant. But it was
a little cocky. It would make the road come to it.

Cardassian judge: It does not matter, it is guilty. Death is the
only justice.



STARDATE 73823.6: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? (concluded)

Odo: What's a chicken? Were there laws violated?

Picard: I don't know, but it must have some significance. Send
an away team to retrieve it; by force if necessary.

Data: It is actually an illusion. The chicken was suspended 2
meters above the surface of the planet. As our sensors passed
overhead, it APPEARED to transverse the thoroughfare, when in
fact, it remained stationary.

Counselor Troi: This poses an interesting psychological question
for which man is not equipped to answer. I would suggest daily
sessions for the chicken; and bi-weekly for the road.

Wesley Crusher: We conducted an experiment in the Academy. To
make it more interesting, I booby-trapped the pathway with anti-
matter proximity mines. None of the 1284 chickens made it across
the road.

Romulan Commander Tio: We do not care. If we can not have it, we
will destroy the creature and the road.

Borg: It is irrelevant. It will be assimilated.

Q: You ridiculous humans concern yourselves with the most
insignificant questions. There are no chickens in the Continuum;
for that matter, there are no roads.

Star Fleet Headquarters: We are analyzing available telemetry
data in order to prepare an appropriate response. Please stand
by...

Ship's computer: There are no variety of domestic fowl on the
ship's manifest, other than a small unregistered bird which
Commander Riker keeps in his quarters for undisclosed purposes.

Holodeck computer: Please enter more specific parameters; width
of the thoroughfare, type of terrain, size and speed of the
animal, and whether the chicken or the egg came first.

Spock: It is not logical, Captain.

"Bones" McKoy: I think it's dead, Jim. Dammit Jim, I'm a
doctor, not a plucker...


The above text has been found in various places. The most of it came:
from: Jim Davis jdavis@ADMIN.ALLEG.EDU
from: "Aditya, The Hindu Skeptic"a018967t@BCFREENET.SEFLIN.LIB.FL.US
from: "Thomas E. Arcuri" TARCURI@CCMAIL.SUNYSB.EDU

[Beowolff]

Beowolff: it's all a myth. the chicken NEVER crossed the road.



Beo

[:FI:Heloego]

...chicken?

[:FI:Macca]

Beowolff: it's all a myth. the chicken NEVER crossed the road.



Beo

Beowolff,Ive got the same impression....It is the Chicken Propaganda saying that it crossed the road!

As we all know chicken can't event tell road from pavement!


hmmmm...roasted wings.mmmm

[arne_and]

Quaaaackk!

[:FI:Spitsfire]

KFC what who when?