well, sorry lads, but that was blowed before it started...
let me start by declaring myself a true Tennessee Hillbilly. born in the deep south with Johnny Rebs for past great grand parents, i have both Indian blood (Cree) and English blood coursing thru my veins. no English royalty, i'm guessing, though i do have a taste for the finer things in life...just never had the moo-la for them. i have often wondered if i was the illegitmate son of the real and true Royal King (or Kang as we say it in the deep south) of none other than ELVIS, himself. I have found through lengthy experimentation in mirrors, that i can actually curl my lip into a true Elvis-style withering sneer...and gyrate my hips and shake, rattle and roll...much like the Kang himself. so that is surely a distinct possibility.
and since i don't really resemble anyone else in my family but do 'sort' of look like Elvis---well, there you go.
boggles the mind, eh?
born on a farm and raised to work hard and long hours, milking cows, hoeing corn, picking cotton, digging ditches and driving mules... i have a very good work ethic. in fact, i love to work. evidently that is still true for even to this day, i seem to always do things the hard way insuring that i always have to do the same job twice. bummer, but there ya go.
eventually, i got old enough to be 'asked' by the government, to come and work directly for them---in the US Army...by way of draft card. boy, was i excited about that! and i spent several years in the military overseas... yeah, that was a blast. no, really it was a blast.
later, after that service, i lived and worked overseas for an oil company by the name of Coastal States... in Singapore, Thailand and other places. good work and enjoyable.
have been back in Tennessee for several long years now, and got rooked---er talked into---buying this poor old rundown farm. and like my daddy before me, discovered that...farming just don't pay. so now i just live on the old place...and enjoy it to the fullest with my wife, my four dogs, two cats, dozens of chickens and ten goats. i had a horse once but it ran away for greener pastures...horses are like that. fickle to the bone.
and so here i am, content but broke...in my own way.
i'll entertain questions from the crowd now, if there are any...
thankee,
Beowolff
NO FERRETS ??? 
