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Spits is missing it all as a consequence of act II

pokes his wee heed 'round the door jamb and passes some more 'shiny metal paper' to Mr Conquerer of Wewakypro and confirms that indeed five beeth the number, and the number beeth five. Not four, nor six - and quite defintiely not three.

He looks cautiously around, as Spitfire strugges to get his acts together and remember his lines.

Fen straightens his undergarments with a slight curtsey, steals a crate of black and disappears in the direction of the campfires, where layeth those who look over 18. His wellies firmly in place.

At the crest of the approaching ridge he spies a decript form bent double and gnawing on an old oil can. As he moves closer using the refected moonshine from his shiny brow, he see it is......

tis none other than old PADRE Willie, fresh back from the front. ( of the room where Spits was gullible enough to pull his fingah.. )

That'll learn him... "It'll be OK Spits, if ya puke ya get to clean it up. Yer eyes and sense of smell will return in an hour or two. BWAHAHAHA!!!"

The dear Padre lifts a pint of the black stuff from Unkle Fen's stash and surveys the crew..

"OK lads, NEXT time leave off the VODKA till AFTER the sermon.. I don't want to have to remind you yet again that


1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as
Daddy-O, Laddy-O, and Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.


9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his
donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take
this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .

12. The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Yay Verily, om mani padme ommmmmmmmm.."



"bless you my children"

Whereupon the good Padre lifts another 5 pints of Unkle Fen's stash.. not a felony cause 6 pints WON'T make a case.. Taps unkle Fen's onthe shoulder and says "keep an eye on the youngster, E's feelin a bit under the weather, if you would kind Sir".. and limps toward the door from whence he came. As he exits the door from whence he came there is a mighty crash of thunder and a LARGE gust of wind breaking thoughout the room..followed by hearty laughter and the sound of Pint being opened.

The words "YES my son, the number is indeed FIVE!!!"

Macca raises his head and reaches for a pint that unkle Fen kindly passed to him....



He looks at his squadron friends....Willie raises his glass....




-Unkle.......why is Spits so pale on his face and why Willie is walking in a bit uncintrollable way.....

Anyway,Macca gets up and walks to his 109 to check if his secret dose of Black Magic is still on its place...just to make sure...then he enters the cottage. He comes to the cup[board which stands in the corner of the biggest and only room of the cotage, just under the big picture of the Fallen Madonna with big Boobies by Van Clomp.

Macca searches for the script of the play...

He found it..gulp gulp......"....hmm....Act III....here is written...and here comes Falcoon...".... ..gulp...gulp......gulp ...gulp....


Macca brings the manuscript to uncle Fen, Willie and Spits...

"Shhh..what do we do now, guys...? Sjhall we wake the Sqadron up?The play is not going according to plan...."

After another pint Macca says..."I can hear.....steps...."


from the darkness emerges................


.....................................

....unknown redhead girl...she uses the same worldwide accepted sign of peace and love....the gesture saying" you are wonderful children of the Earth and so on"...

she says with a deep, brown voice...:

I bless yoo too, guys....







she grabs a pint and dissapears....

Shocked, Macca passas another pint to Padre Willie and says...have ya seen her?.....

nah...

Suddenly.....

Arne,

(whispering) I think this might be the final and most difficult part of the 'Three Steps'

All you have to do is become insane by the end of this thread.

Then you qualify!

a loud voice of Dog Almighty can be heard...

"No,tis is not the end.When it will end it will end and then it will be ended when the end comes right to an end".



Everybody is shocked....because while the Dog Almighty was speaking 3 flasks of the magical liquid dissappeared......


Macca whispers to padre...

"Padre, what will happen now?.....It is such a scary night, our Temprecoff is missing in action over Leningradowivskijpiotrogradocksijstadt.........."

"Don't worry,son, Falconi Teprecoff will be here soon" the evergood Padre replies....

Suddenly, a distant sound can be heard. As it draws closer, the words become clear...

"Oh I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay! I sleep all night and I work all day!"

"He's a lumberjack and he's OK! He sleeps all night and he works all day!"

"I cut down trees, I eat my lunch. I go to the lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea"

"He cut down trees, he eat his lunch. He go to the lavatory. On Wednesdays he go shopping and has buttered scones for tea."

Upon hearing these heavenly verses...

:FI:Crazy wrote:... Upon hearing these heavenly verses...

Falcon checks to see if he brought his shoppin' bag,

leaps from the antique floor lamp,

and hides behind the potted fern in the corner next to the authentic laminated reproduction of Caligula's horse-sized strap-on naughty bit .

He waits to see what may happen next ...

... oh my, what a beautiful, sumptuous fern ...

Macca and the good Padre have anudder grink..


Willie says to Macca.. "Oh dear, Herr Falkky the HERO of whereveritwasIfugginforgotalreadyandcouldn'tspellitanyway, is admiring that fern.. Reckon I ought to tell him what we been waterin it with? HEY FALKKY!!! IF it smells a bit like the Bombay chest, there's a reason for that.. Step away QUICK, unless you need to water it too.."

Brings out the dancing girls..


Gettem GURLZ!!!!!

Macca rushes to help Falco but half way he sees a crate of ...yes.....the crate of YOU KNOW WHAT!....Macca passes pints to his buddies ..gulp....and asks...

Where did the p....lumb...beer...jack go....

His buddies eyes suddenly move towards him "PLUMBEERJACK????"

...Helo wraps up his visit to the new field nurse .

While buckling his belt, he is overcome with emotion and pops the question.

"Will I live?"

The nurse, removing her glove, replies "Yes. And with the proper medication and time we can clear up that infection! But for the life of me I do not understand what would possess anyone to do that with a dead penguin!!!"

Helo, quite embarassed, shot back " I know what you're thinking, but dammit, I didn't know it was dead!!!"


Falcon, hanging out by the fern, overhears, misunderstands, runs from the hall crying hysterically, and...

You absolutely sure you want to join Arne_and?



not havin' second thoughts?

if not you've found your home.



Okay Fen you can put them all back in the little box now!

The voices in my head had a lot of trouble following the play!!!
But hey, they're sh!t critics anyhows?

c'mon, c'mon guys... like Mr. Legs says... back in your box!!!



And.....Arne.... c'mon, join the stew

Im sure i want to join, but if i wasnt its too late anyway just check with baderslegs

:FI:Baderslegs wrote:Welcome aboard M8.

Ha!
You dont know what you've let yourself in for!

"you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave!"



(just ask Sixpakk)