German aviation terms n stuff

[:FI:Macca]

German Aircraft Terms

Apologies to our German descendants here!;):)

found on Facebook

AIRCRAFT---Der Fliegenwagen

JET TRANSPORT---Der Muchen Overgrossen Biggenmother Das Ist Fliegen
Highenfaster Mit All Der Mach Und Flightenlevels. (Built by Boeing)

PROPELLER---Der Airfloggen Pushenthruster

ENGINE---Der Noisenmaken Pistonpusher Das Turnens Der Airfloggenfan
Pushenthruster

JET ENGINE---Der Schreemen Skullschplitten Firespitten Smokenmaken
Airpushenbacken Thrustermaker Mit Compressorsqueezen Und Turbinespinnen
Bladenrotors. (Made by Pratt & Whitney)

CONTROL COLUMN---Der Pushenpullen Bankenyanken Schtick

RUDDER PEDALS---Der Tailschwingen Yawmaken Werks

PILOT---Der Pushenpullen Bankenyanken Tailschwingen Werker

PASSENGER---Der Dumbkopf Das Est Strappened En Der Baacken Mit Der Other
Dumbkopfs Das Est Expecten To Leave Undgo On Scheduledtimen Und Arriven mit
Der Luggagebags Somplaceneisen

STUDENT PILOT---Der Dumbkopf Das Learnen Fliegen Un Hopen To Jobenfinden Mit
Der Airlinens

FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR---Der Timenbuilder Mit Less Den 1000 Hrs
Multienginefliegen. Teachen Dumbkopfs To Fliegen Vile Waitenwatchen Fer Der
Letter Mit Der Joboffering Frum United

AIRLINE TRANSPORT PILOT---Das Grosse Overpaiden Und Under Werken
Whinencomplainer Biggen Schmuck Dat Fliegen Mit Das Big Airlinen

PARACHUTE---Der Stringencotten Das Est Usen To Floaten Der Tailschwingen
Pushenpullen Bankenyanken Werker Down To Earthen Ven Der Fliegenwagen Est
Kaputen

FAA---Der Friggenfliegen Dumbkopf Schmucks Das Maken Alder Rulens Und
Regulations

And of course:

Helicopter - -- Der Flingen Wingen Maschinen mit der Floppen Bladens dot ist
Fliegen by der Dumbkopfs vas iss too Stupiden for Knowen dees Maschinens ees
not Safen ver Fliegen.
Subject: $10.00

Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year.

Every year Fred would say, "Edna, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."

And every year Edna would say, "I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said, "Edna, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."

Edna replied, "Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard.

He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Fred, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Fred replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Edna fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."


The Airline Transport Pilot
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a 747.
Is faster than a speeding bullet.
Walks on water.
Discusses policy with God.

The Multi-Engine Pilot
Leaps short buildings in a single bound.
Is more powerful than a 707.
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.
Walks on water if it is calm.
Talks to God.

The Instrument Pilot
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable wind conditions.
He is almost as powerful as a Lear Jet.
Almost as fast as a speeding bullet.
Walks on the water of an indoor pool.
Talks to God is prior special request is granted.

The Commercial Pilot
Barely clears a Quonset hut.
Loses tug-of-war with twin-engine aircraft.
Can fire a speeding bullet.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by God.

The Private Pilot
Makes high marks for trying to leap buildings.
Is run over by Piper Arrows.
Sometimes handles an airplane without inflicting self injury.
Can dogpaddle in water.
Talks to animals.

The Soloed Student Pilot
Runs into buildings.
Recognizes a Cessna 172 two out of three times.
Is issued a parachute.
Can stay afloat if properly instructed.
And talks to imaginary friends.

The Non-Soloed Student Pilot
Falls over door sills when trying to enter buildings.
Says, “Look at the airplane!”.
Wets himself with a water pistol.
Mumbles to himself.


The Technician
Lifts buildings and walks under them,
Kicks airplanes out the hangars.
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and chews them.
Freezes water with a single glance.
The Technician IS God!


§ When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough
power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

§ Blue water Navy truism; There are more planes in the ocean than there are
submarines in the sky.

§ Never trade luck for skill.

§ The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are,
"Why is it doing that?"; "Where are we?" and " Ooh Shit!"

§ Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

§ Progress in airline flying; Now a flight attendant can get a pilot
pregnant.

§ Airspeed, altitude or brains. Two are always needed to successfully
complete the flight.

§ A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row
is prevarication.

§ I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

§ Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!

§ If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a
helicopter-and therefore, unsafe.

§ Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the
purpose of storing dead batteries.

§ Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to pee.

§ Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a
person on the ground incapable of understanding it or doing anything about
it.

§ When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

§ Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held
on a sunny day.

§ Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II. When a prang (crash) seems
inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity
as slowly and gently as possible.

§ The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill
you. (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)

§ A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its
maximum. (Jon McBride, astronaut)

§ If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash
as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic pilot)

§ If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the bastard
down. (Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator)

§ Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I am at
80,000 Feet and Climbing (sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating
location Kadena, Japan).

§ You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. (Paul F.
Crickmore - test pilot)

§ Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

§ There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime (sign over
squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970).

§ The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a
good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few
opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same
time. (Author unknown, but someone who's been there)

§ "Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV." (A DC-9 captain trainee
attempting to check out on the 'glass cockpit' of an A-320).

§ What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a
pilot screws up, the pilot dies; if ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

§ Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

§ If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

§ Basic Flying Rules
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground,
buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to
fly there.

§ You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power
to taxi to the terminal.

[:FI:Falcon]

Maccen,

Das ist ein grossen funnen postenhoofer! Ich makemlaffen zo harden ich floppenfellen onen mein assenpooper!

makkenappreciaten,


frettchenflieger



sorry ... sorry

[:FI:Airway]

Yo, Yo, dat.
Mer joan lecker Mettbrötschen essen





Airwerker

[:FI:Heloego]

The Technician
Lifts buildings and walks under them,
Kicks airplanes out the hangars.
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and chews them.
Freezes water with a single glance.
The Technician IS God!

Yes, a little-known, frequently over-looked, and even more frequently vehemently-denied fact.

[:FI:Armitage]

some nice stuff in there and true