Oh dear...

[:FI:WillieOFS]

excerpts from letters to UK landlords ( supposedly )

1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it as backfired and burnt my knob off.

2.I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

3.... and their 18 year old son keeps banging his balls against my fence ...

4.I wish to report that tiles are missing from my outside toilet roof, i think it was bad wind that blew them off.

5.Will you please send someone to mend my garden path,my wife tripped and now she is pregnant.

6.I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

7.The toilet is blocked and until its cleared we cannot bathe our children.

8.Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now its in three pieces.

9.I want to complain about the farmer across the road,every morning his cock wakes me up and now its getting to much for me.

10.The man next door has a large erection in his garden,which is unsightly and dangerous.

11.I am a single woman living in a apartment,would you please do something about the noise made by the man i have on top off me every night.

12.Please send the right man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

13.I have had your boss down on the floor six times ..and im still not satisfied.

14.This is to let you know that our toilet as broken and we cant get sky.

15.My bush is really overgrown around the front and my back passage as fungus growing in it ...

16.50%of my walls are damp,50% are crumbleing and the rest are filthy.

[:FI:Fenian]