Kadet Tushka's First SEOW Debrief

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=69.GIAP=TUSHKA
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Kadet Tushka's First SEOW Debrief

Post by =69.GIAP=TUSHKA » Sat Aug 16, 2008 6:56 pm

(Posted as promised to Falcon. This is a reconstruction of the original post made just about one year ago.)

Official Version

Suspecting enemy infiltration onto our base, I seized the initiative and performed an unscheduled low-level reconnaissance of the area directly to the left of our main runway.

I immediately noticed that the grass in this area is high.

Unable to see well through the tall grass, I invented a technique for probing the topography under this grass by direct contact with my landing gear, feeling the contours much as a blind person might read braille, or a lover might, errr, ummm... Well, in any case, I'd like to think this may come to be called "Tushka's Technique" if it is adopted by the VVS.

Using this technique I made several discoveries. First, the propeller of a CR-42 is an effective weed-cutter. Second, there is a system of deep trenches and high defensive earthworks near our main runway large enough to hide an army. Third, the landing gear of a CR-42 is inadequate for the task of reading the topographic equivalent of a braille full stop. Fourth, the propeller of a CR-42 is ineffective as an earthworks leveling tool.

Unfortunately, the inadequacies of the CR-42 which I uncovered in the process of this reconnaissance prevented me from rejoining with wingleader Kolya to continue the planned mission. Instead, I was forced to abandon my aircraft and walk back to the ready room, where I am writing this report.

My recommendations to the base administration are as follows:
* The tall grass should be cleared immediately. Suitable order and implements should be issued to the groundkeepers.
* The earthworks should be leveled and the trenches filled in. Suitable orders and implements should be issued to the groundkeepers.
* A request for reinforced landing gear and propellers for our CR-42s should be sent to headquarters.
* Adequate signage warning of off-runway hazards should be posted where pilots can see it immediately before taking off.

Signed: Kadet Tushka

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Unofficial Version (told in the enlisted men's mess):

How do you people manage to party every night, and why am I always the first one to pass out?

As we lined up on the runway, I was regretting not bringing my snow goggles, and I was wondering if the engine was always so annoyingly loud. Then, after the dust from wingleader Kolya's aircraft had begun to thin, I began my takeoff run. The vibrations bothered my bladder, and I realized that I had forgotten to check the location of the relief tube. Apparently while I was searching in the cockpit the runway took a sharp turn to the right. I and my aircraft, as a matter of simple physics, continued in a straight line into the area to the left of the runway which was covered by tall grass. Very tall grass. It was perhaps as high as an elephant's eye!

Well, I wasn't worried at this point, because I was used to taking off from grass airstrips. Unfortunately my thoughts of smoothly rolling across this grass were interrupted by bone-rattling bumps and loud cracking and tearing noises from beneath my aircraft. This was followed by the shredding of my propeller which, in turn, led to a paradoxical increase in engine speed but a reduction in forward velocity. Once it became obvious that the engine was developing inadequate power despite its high rpms... we had come to a halt by this point... I shut it down. This led to a temporary feeling of great relief as the engine noise subsided to be replaced by the ticking of cooling metal. I then realized that there was a reason for that feeling of great relief that was unrelated to my headache. I regretted not finding the relief tube in time. But at least I missed the elephant!

In any case, I will admit to you that this incident was caused by pilot error. I should have included verifying the location of the relief tube in my preflight checklist, and I will add an examination of the map of the local runway system to that checklist so that next time I will not be surprised by any mid-field chicanes. But I won't admit any of that to the officers, of course.

Still, I have cause to celebrate. I survived my first Scorched Earth Online War mission.

The next round is on me.

Za Rodinu!
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C!

Tushka

Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

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Re: Kadet Tushka's First SEOW Debrief

Post by :FI:Falcon » Sat Aug 16, 2008 8:24 pm

:lol: :sheep: :lol:

Great story Tushka!

Reminds me of the first few times I took off with the =FI=.

I could swear that they were using a par three with a dog-leg to the left ...

or right ...

and sand traps ...

and a water hazard ...

and no fairway ...


thanks,


Falcon
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"He who warned, uh, the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and um, makin' sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed."
- The history of Paul Revere's midnight ride, by Sarah Palin.
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Re: Kadet Tushka's First SEOW Debrief

Post by :FI:WillieOFS » Sat Aug 16, 2008 10:11 pm

:lol:

Great story!!

Got .trk? :badgrin:

Salud!
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Re: Kadet Tushka's First SEOW Debrief

Post by :FI:Heloego » Fri Aug 29, 2008 4:39 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:
...and wear your feckin' mask!!!!! :x
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